| Inspired |
[Oct. 13th, 2006|02:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Nostalgia | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  As usual | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Smiths | ] |
My mom always told me that the word "hate" was too strong a word. She told me that people who hate are people who are tiny. As a kid, I thought short people were being punished for being mean. I grew up, and realized that my mother stands 5 feet tall in high heels. Waterloo is everyone's downfall. I wish I could hate. It used to be easy. Like a well honed metronome that ticked back and forth driven my pure, slate cold hate. I gazed like a god down on her and knew that smiting was tough work. No one respects a good solid emotional genocide. Fake tears painted on black to mimic a feeling that has been drained out and squeezed, scraped out of the peanut butter jar because you're sure you can get four more sandwiches out of it. I am easily distracted, I don't hear people talk, and I am gettting old. Enough to let go of hate, forgetting the fuzz of eyeliner and cover up coating my tounge, sunlight too easily replacing lust with pity. Ten years of lying and writhing next to forgetable outlets of rage. No one ever got my musical tastes, or my humour. Dostoyevsky blew Niche and spat out 800 pages try to get the taste out. I wish that I knew what invincible felt like again. Flying off of high rises, kissing the sky without a trace of irony. Bottled youth is all the rage with the kids these days, trying to capture yesterday like trophies of other people's underwear or discarded cigarette butts that vary in taste and color, and are vaguely rebelious. Because your apex was middle school, and now burning out for sixty years is staring at the wires and wondering about the cordite smells. I wish I kept the wool, there are so many eyes that need it. |
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| Orgasms |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|02:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Limbo | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Don't marry her, Fuck me." The Beautiful South | ] |
So I had this dream last night.
In it, I saw every person I had ever slept with in my life cum. Kinda like in Rocky (i'm a loser), during Touch a-Touch a, with every person taking their turn in front of my eyes. And they all came. There are a few things I took from this dream. One, I have been blessed to have known so many people so intimately. Two, everyone on the planet is different, special. And three, having an orgasm is the closest thing to seeing "the light" every person dreams of. That moment of silence, when your senses are all focused on your body and the eruption that wells up and tears through you. That's heaven, nirvana, enlightenment, whatever you want to call it. This is not me just being a horny slut. I really feel deeply about this.
Whatever. I just needed to write this down. My life is rough right now, and that dream reminded me that there's still so much to this life besides the shit. Take what you will. |
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| Hey! It's my everyonceinawhilennly post! |
[Jun. 9th, 2006|03:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Earth | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Just another day of despair | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Led Zepplin- Black Dog | ] |
Blood Ninja!!! Seriously look at it. I laughed a lot. Which I always need. Nothing really new to report, although soon I might have a working truck, but probably not. Umm.......................yeah. Really just wanted to share the link. I'm an asshole, but I get by. |
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| Lead in to my B-day |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|05:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Life never stops, so get up | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Johnny Cash- Boy named Sue | ] |
Ok, I know I don't update very often. But the next few weeks are giving me some hope that life can turn around.
I've got tickets to Cirque Du Soleil next week, going boarding this Saturday, and on the28th I have an appointment to get more of my tattoo filled in. So things are looking up. Still don't sleep well, still don't eat well. But my stress is easing, and I can breathe a little bit.
Oooh.... BTW, everyone should see History of Violence. It's fucking beautiful. It is extremely violent, has excellent acting, and a certain scene that involves a cheerleader's outfit that made me have to sit funny.
Some people, I have heard, think that lately I've been a dick, or acted distant towards some people. Here's the deal. If you think I've acted this way, I only have one thing to ask. Please talk to me. I've successfully stayed out of the talk that goes on behind people's backs. I really don't want to start now. Life has been rough the past few months, and it's showed. I know I don't normally show my stress, which should give you and idea of how stressed I've been. So please, just talk to me. Thank you. Love you all, I promise. Promise. Promise. That's three times I've promised. |
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| Tony, Tony, Tony |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|05:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Who knew? | ] |
Ok,so for those who don't want to know anything about my drama (which is not normal for me, but I have to get it out) please skip to the next drama filled entry from someone else.
So when the five of us moved in (Tony, Dustin, Steff, Ashley, and George), Tony and I put our names down on the lease. We were the most responsible, Tony finding and setting up the house and me with two jobs. It was decided that it would be easiest to give money to Tony to pay rent and bills, seeing as I worked almost 60 hours a week and Tony working the night shift at the porn store. Everything worked out great. Love the house, loved my roommates. When Ashley and George moved out, we found out that they left us with some hefty bills, but no problem Tony and I got the money and didn't worry about the heat since it wasn't cold anymore.
This went on for the past year and a half. Every month, on the fifth, I gave Tony a check for the rent. Every month, I gave money to Tony for the bills. My other roommates did the same. We got a couple of notices about our water being shut off, but Tony promised us that it was the water company's mistake and we believed him. Our water was shut off, Tony went to fix the problem with the company, and the water was turned back on. After a while, Tony started dropping hints that the owners weren't interested in renting the bordello and wanted to sell it. We might have to move, he said. A few months later, we were ok and were going to stay here. About four months ago, our water was shut off again. I started paying the phone and cable bills, later adding on the heat bill. These bills were far more than I had been paying for bills, but I was able to cover them. I stopped paying trash, water, and power. We got a notice about our power bill. The water was shut off again. Tony got into an accident in Dustin's car, which we never saw again. The night after this huge accident where Tony fractured a rib (he told us), he danced onstage at Rocky. We roommates began to wonder, but were told time and time again that everything was fine.
This past Monday afternoon, Tony tells me that he has to move to Sacramento to take care of his ailing mother. He'll be out of the house by today. The roomates have a house meeting where it's decided that I should call David (our landlord) and make sure that it's cool that i take over the paying of rent. The next day, I call David and he askes me if I'm calling about the eviction notice. EVICTION NOTICE. I say no, I have no idea what he's talking about. He says that he expected that answer from me. He then goes on to tell me that Tony has not paid much, if any of the rent for the past YEAR. I speak to him about staying on, and the stipulations include seeing checks returned with the rent payement, date, and Tony's signiture on the back. I look them up, and sure enough, the date, amount and Tony's signiture are right there. The next day, our water is shut off.
According to David, who would know (being our landlord), Tony cashed about $8,600 in due rent and did not pass it on to David. The eviction notice was a second eviction notice, the first being around the time that Tony told me David was looking to sell the house. The eviction was set for this past Saturday. Tony was moved out by Sunday afternoon and has not returned or let me know when he plans to pay the rest of the rent he promised he'd pay. He said nothing to us about recieving the notice monday morning, or that we had to move. He promised that Dustin's broken down car would be moved by yesterday. I spent ten minutes having it towed away this evening. Tony, from what I understand from his friends, is living in Olympia. Not with his ailing mother in Sacramento. Our water bill was $700 in back bills, our power bill was $932 in back bills, and our trash still hasn't been picked up.
Tony was my best friend. I called him my husband. I promised to live with him for 5 years. I defended him constantly, and trusted him completely. Tony is a weasel. He owes money to more than just me and my roommates and David. There are a few people who he owes thousands to as well. I believe that Tony had a full time job, and that job was to fuck over and steal from people who loved him. If you still care for him and don't believe me, fine. If he tells you that it was us, the roommates, who fucked him over, fine. I no longer care. I hope that he has a full and interesting life, and that he at some point finds people he cares for enough not to destroy. Sorry this was so long, I just had to say it. I don't care anymore about what other people think or how well he's lied to everyone. I had a love, and he broke my heart. |
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| Because I never post |
[Jan. 19th, 2006|10:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cake | ] |
Random survey:
Three Names you go by:
1. Adam
2. Super Jew Cock
3. Pookie
Three Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Welsh
2. Germanic
3. Native American
Three Things That Scare You:
1. Conformity
2. Bad Hygene
3. Being Forgotten
Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Smokes
2. Comics
3. A kiss
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Boxer briefs
2. A scar
3. An apron
Three of Your Favorite Songs - at the moment:
1. Heading to the West- the Rednex
2. Bad Day- R.E.M
3. Chop 'em down- Matisyahu
Three Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. Trust/Honesty
2. Space
3. Earthquake Sex
Two Truths and a Lie (in any order):
1. I've put 12 into the Emergency Room
2. I've done a Mother/Daughter team
3. I've had three girlfriends.
Three PHYSICAL Things about the Same/Opposite Sex that Appeal to You:
1. curves
2. eyes
3. neck
Three of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Video games
2. Pondering
3. Rationalizing
Three Things You want to do really badly right now:
1. Go home
2. Go home
3. Kiss the Blarney Stone
Three Places You Want to go:
1. Ireland
2. Amsterdam
3. Prague
Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. Get married
2. Find my calling
3. Build a house
Three people I would like to see take this quiz:
1. My mom
2. Your mom
3. grover |
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| Rent and other crapopolis |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|01:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | I'm always tired. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Johnny Cash- Boy named Sue | ] |
Ok, so the Boho Boys (and girls) are going to see RENT tommorrow at Lloyd Center at 3:30pm. Anyone who wants to come along certainly can. It's going to be fun, painful at times, but fun. I know I haven't posted much, but nyeah. What're you going to do? I could rant about E.C. elections, I could talk about my growing detatchment from social circles, I could even talk about how I think my health is failing. But really, who needs to hear that shit? One more thing, I finally did and will post a quiz now.
Angry Goth
What Kind of Goth Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Secularization |
[Oct. 4th, 2005|11:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  At least Yom Kippur is soon. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nickle Creek | ] |
So I'm a jew. Always have been a jew. So much so that I was the president of my temple's youth organization. So much so that I know the services by wrote. And all the songs. Before I became a slacker and quit college, I was going to be a rabbi by 30. I'm so much a jew that my roomate who is much more semetic looking than me, gets far less jew jokes thrown at him. And yet, here I am. At work. On Rosh Hashana. One of the big two. Shit, even jews who never go to services and don't practice find a way to go to the Rosh Hashana services. I feel lost. I don't really know who I am at the moment. I doesn't scare me, it just pisses me off. So I'm going to be a Jew again. Tonight is Tashlich (Tash-lee-ch), and anyone who wants to join me at the Eastside Esplanade can. Probably around 7ish. If you want to but have no idea what the hell it is, call or write. I'll explain. You can make fun of me being jewish now, because I'm not going to let it slip away again. Step one of many towards being myself again. |
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| My tri-monthly update |
[Sep. 29th, 2005|10:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  It'll grow out, right? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | TMBG- Flood | ] |
Ok, so I know that I haven't updated as much as I'd like. Unfortunately, I haven't had the time to think let alone write down what I think on a website and then hit the "Update" button. So, things are cooling down I hope. I'm helping a bunch of people move in to houses this weekend, which makes me happy. It reminds me of when my father and I were on good terms and were the Bleeker moving service. His truck and our brawn. But moving plus rocky and the seemingly endless amount of errands I always have to run will probably tucker me out by the end of the weekend. In interesting and happy news, I actually sang Karaoke at the E room last weekend. I know, I sang. Never happens. Ever. But the dykes loved it when the opening bars of Jack&Diane came on, and they all seemed ok with my voice. Who knows, I might just do it again. Also, Simi dyed my hair red. I know. I already have red hair. But this is like electric red. Super red. Near magenta red. I'll try to load some pics later. Ok, back to work now.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost forgot! Anyone who wants to go see Neil Gaiman (god among comic writers/creators, and writer of American Gods and the movie MirrorMask) with me on Monday at 7:30 let me know. |
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